Raisin Chickpea “Tuna” Salad

I just went to the dentist. I’m not a dentist “hater”, but I firmly believe that you can love a person and hate their behavior and that’s how I feel about the dentist.

1. I absolutely despise having x-rays taken. Those sharp-as-knives bits of cardboard you’re supposed to bite down on? You know, the ones that slice into the soft tissue of your gums? Yeah, I hate those.

2. Hygienists: Don’t make small talk with me. Not only is it impossible to respond because my mouth is full of hand/tools/cardboard torture devices, but this is possibly the only quiet time I’ve had all day and I’d love to just zone out to the poster on the ceiling with the inspirational puppies.

3. I floss. I floss. Don’t try to tell me that I don’t floss.

There are foods to eat for optimal dental health.

Thankfully, Spabettie created an amazing (unintentionally dentist friendly) chickpea raisin “tuna” salad. It sounds weird, huh? So good. And not even “Holley eats weird things, so she likes it” good. Normal person good.

WebMD recommends hard, crunchy fruits and veggies like celery and apples for dental health. I WebMD myself frequently. I believe everything they tell me.

WebMD recommends nuts and other protein sources for healthy, pearly whites.

WebMD says that garlic has “broad antiseptic qualities.” I’ll take it.

And WebMD also says that you should avoid oranges because of their high acid content. Check out the background of my lunch.

Hopefully my antiseptic qualities balance out my acid content. I’ll eat whatever it takes to avoid the x-rays.

Tuna? Tuno.

Holley history lesson: I grew up “vegetarian”, but I ate turkey. And chicken. And beef jerky.

Who am I kidding? I wasn’t vegetarian. I did, however, still manage to develop a fondness for fake meat products. Hot dogs, hamburgers and chicken wings are all better when they’re of the soy variety. I still, to this day, believe that.

The one soy meat alternative I didn’t like? Tuno. Tasted nothing like tuna. Tasted everything like…brown.

Fast forward 20ish years. I’m pregnant with J Man. All I want. All. I. Want. Is tuna fish. Real tuna fish. No tuno for this mama to be.

And because I’m as “type A” as they come (I measured the temperature of my bath water while pregnant because I didn’t want to hard boil my baby…true), I very diligently kept track of how much tuna I had per week because I didn’t want mercury poisoning or whatever it is that tuna can give you.

And it was hard. It was hard to hold myself back because it just tasted so good. (side note: it turns out that I became anemic during that pregnancy so maybe my craving was my body’s way of getting as much iron as possible?)

And here we are, four years later. I can’t remember the last time I had a tuna fish sandwich, and while the real stuff doesn’t appeal to me, I wanted a substitute.

Friends, please meet the most versatile legume ever- the chickpea!

Do garbanzos taste like fish?

If you combine them with the right ingredients they do! Granted, my fishy taste buds are a little rusty, so if you’re a tuna frequenter, you might disagree with me.

Regardless of what it doesn’t taste like, this is what it does taste like:

Delicious. Adding the celery and walnuts gave an awesome crunch and the grapes were the perfect sweetness. I ate this two lunches in a row – one as shown above, and today, mixed into romaine, carrots and cucumber.

Try this awesome spread and you won’t be saying “tuNO”, you’ll be saying “tuYES”!

(oh, that was awful- downright embarrassing! I’m ashamed…but not enough to erase it…)

Vegan “Tuna” Salad

Adapted from the December issue of Vegetarian Times

Ingredients
1 can of chickpeas, drained and rinsed
1/2 TBS sage
1/2 TBS McKays Chicken Seasoning
1 TBS honey mustard
1 TBS lemon juice
1/4 cup vegan mayonnaise
1/4 cup chopped celery
1/4 cup diced grapes
1/4 cup chopped walnuts

Instructions

Pulse chickpeas and seasonings in a food processor to desired texture. I did 8-10 pulses. In a separate bowl, combine chickpea mixture and remaining ingredients. Inhale.